Wednesday, August 09, 2006


My head is spinning now a days with respect to the password remembrance. Mostly everyone have a number of personal e-mail ID with as many accounts as they wish. I’m very bad in remembering the passwords. So I changed all of my e-mail accounts to have a same password. And for other accounts like moblie online services, personal folders, etc will have the same password.
Now when I joined the company, it started with the log on password, then the client citrix password, client domain password, client time sheet password, my project development password, testing environment (UAT) password, and at last the production password. How can a human remember all the passwords? Even if I maintain a separate file to save all the passwords, the list in my present scenario will goes on increasing. Even if I tried my level best to maintain some of the passwords to be unique, it will never let me to continue after one month. Thought it’s good to have a security policy to change the password for each and every month, it has also some guidelines to reset the password. Oh my god! I’m terribly running out of password guesses now a days. The internet banking of the bank accounts and also the ATM PIN numbers are also an additional headache.
I don’t know a solution for this problem, but if some one finds a better way to optimize this problem then it will be useful. The only solution that I currently suggest is that there is no need for a password change as a security policy so that we can have the same password for all.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Responsibility- I’m more confused with this word. What really the world needs from a person? What is the meaning of being responsible? What can he achieve by being a responsible person?
The word responsibility/duty of an individual is not a universal law to be followed. To say with a simple example, consider the soldiers of different countries.
a. If he is responsible to his own country (by serving the nation with patriotism) then he fails to fulfill the duty of the basic human called Humanity. He kills his same species.
b. If he wants to fulfill the duty of humanity by becoming a saint, then he fails the duty of the worldly person of bringing up his generations, his other duties and all blah blahs
c. If a person lives in this world unattached with everything, then he is not satisfying any of the duties laid by the world.

First of all, who laid all these duties/responsibilities? Does God really tell the people to do this thing and to be responsible? If yes, I’ve one question; God created men and he had all the powers to change. But look at the present situation. It is going out of his hands or no one is fulfilling their responsibility. If God is a responsible person, then he should have changed this scene a long back. Does this imply that God is irresponsible?
For each and everything, humans are comparing with other animals for his sixth sense. (Actually I don’t know what is there to be proud of having the sense). For the community (birds, animals), togetherness (birds), hard work (ants), etc they compare with animals and they want the humans to be living like the same. Is it really happening? Even though animals have an imaginary LOC, they didn’t fight like us. They respect each other’s individuality. But in the case of humans, the respect is either in the form of the societal status or in the power.
My another question is whether this responsibility/duty is only to the humans? If it is a universal law, then it should have applied to all the animals’ right? Some strange duties like the parent has to look after the child for certain age and he should in turn look after his father after certain age. I don’t think any other animals will look after the old ones. They are capable of surviving by own. Why don’t people look on this animal behavior to follow?
If any one denies then it clearly indicates that this whole funda is just for own luxury and nothing else. I know one wise saying that “Every other animal are created with a pre defined character/behavior and only humans are created out of void in which he has to develop his own skills on it”. If a fish is created, it is simple to create that it has to swim, eat this food only, reproduce by this method and they’ll end its life. This is not the case with humans as he doesn’t know how he’ll be in the future. But the fish is always the same fish till its death.
Also, we can’t tell this is the truth and this is the reality. To make it simple, there is nothing called truth. As said in Matrix “What is real? How do you define real? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain”. The truth varies from person to person, culture to culture and from civilization to civilization.
So in my view, there is nothing wrong if one person is irresponsible. What you feel as an important duty to be fulfilled is not important for that person in his view. The individuality varies from person to person. I wonder how the world will be if there are no comparisons among the people and simply accepting the UNIQUENESS

Thursday, July 27, 2006

A Short Story On Competition

He walked in swiftly past his dad towards his bedroom.

“Dad, wake me up at 5.45 tomorrow. I am terribly tired.” Niren’s voice was heard from inside.

“Niren, could you not spend a few minutes to talk with me?”

“Dad, I am tired. 16 hours at office. How could a boss be so inconsiderate?” he replied, but he was also seen walking into the hall to occupy that little space next his dad on the couch.

Throwing his arm around his son’s shoulder he asked “What happened Niren? I have been assuming it’s because of your interest you work until late. Otherwise, I would certainly have asked you the moment I saw you tired few weeks back”

“yeah it was my interest initially and now compulsion. Leave it dad. I will be alright soon" he wanted to close the topic.

“listen, are you being asked to work until late hours?”

“…mm.. not exactly dad”


He thought for quite a while. His dad was patiently looking at him. Niren in that composed environment created by his father could think clearly.

“they call it competition, dad. He who does more, they say, wins the race.”

“Do you toil yourself to do more”

“I am afraid I may say yes. But I am not very clear as to where the boundary of more is. I am nearly confused. Though I tend to get along with the conventional world I am certainly not for it. I mean the competition”


“You tell me Dad. Why should one compete for anything in this world?”

“Niren, I believe you have your thought process correct but for a slight confusion. You have almost answered your question” he looked at his son’s tired eyes for a while and continued “yes, as you asked, why should compete for anything is this world? Believe me everyone has everything to be availed in this world and in surplus. However in this polarized world, as with human emotions and thoughts, there has been an imbalanced accumulation of everything, be it either wealth or health”

“am I right is believing that competition is wrong?”

“yes you are. Do you believe I love you and your little sister?”

“yes I do.”

“Will you believe if I say, I can assure a happy life to only either of you, based on some criterion?”

“No I won’t”


“you are our father. Its hard for me to think of you liking a win-lose situation between your children”

“Good. If it is that difficult for a dad to think so, do you think the creator, God, would ever have thought about win-lose situation among its creations?”

“I am not sure I have understood”

“well. Is the so-called competition not about creating winners and losers? When one has to believe that the universal law of unconditional Love was laid by the creator, the ideology of competition certainly violates it. Isn’t it? ”

“I believe I get what you convey. But, is the entire world not functioning around that ideology? Is everything wrong?”

“Niren, it has evolved over years. The culprit has been human desire. As it grew, the potential of the desires getting exploited expanded too. There happened to be rulers/lords. They understood that potential and made use of it. Finally, fellow humans get exploited for their own desires. Competition, once that happened only for entertainment, is now into our daily activities. It has gone so deep into our blood that your each and every action is measured at your work place. You call it performance measurement and rewards.

“do you mean to say one’s performance should not be measured?”

“need not be if it were a perfect environment. Freedom means responsibility. Assume an office where there is no weighing of tasks. Those who take freedom for granted, and those who desire to accumulate and become more and more, create the necessity to induce competition. They have made life so hard that at this juncture a competition-free world has become an incomprehensible entity for humans”

“I understand your words. But if there were nothing called competition, what else can drive this activity world?”

“Passion. Develop passion over what you do. Or do what you are passionate about “

“How will it make any difference?”

“It will. Competition induces inside you, fear; fear of losing. It will make you look around to measure yourself against others. Passion gives you the freedom. It gives you joy. You only do what you are supposed to do. The boundary is defined by you. And you never look around”

"Will I not stand odd out of this world where fear of competition implies incompetence?"

"Why do you have to care? yet beware, you may touch unreachable heights or, you may hit rock bottom in what they call as achievements. But it is not a concern for those who are driven by passion. Because they become fearless."

“I get it clear now. What am I supposed to do?”

“wake up with a fresh mind and let your moments be passion driven. I do not say that you shall then come home early. But take care of your health. Goodnight Niren. I shall wake you up at 5.45”

“Goodnight dad. I love you” he left to his bedroom

The creator watched his son with a smile.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Conversation With God

“I just can’t take it. Am I to face only disappointment? How can I handle it? Who will help me? Oh my god…” he shouted in desperation.

“I am here, my dear. Did you call me?” It was God suddenly in front of him. He didn’t really believe it.

“Who are you” he replied back with a shock and trembling voice.

“Only you called me as if you know me for ages. Now, look what you said. Is it the way to receive a guest?” God laughed.

He looked at God. He could not believe the sight. But he had to, when he remembered the man in front came from nowhere suddenly. He looked puzzled as he saw God clad in jeans and t-shirt and with a well combed long hair. He forgot to speak. And again, he refused to believe.

“Why are you staring like this” it was God.

“I can’t believe what I see”

“Well, will you believe if I change my attire” God asked with a mischievous smile.

“Guess I will” he replied with an uncertain voice.

“It has been a problem with humans for ages” he continued with a tone of slight frustration, ” well, whom would you want me to appear like now – Krishna, Buddha, Christ, Siva, Sun, you, your neighbor, your puppy… ”

“Wait.. wait… enough.. enough.. I like Krishna”

“You humans don’t have patience with God too” God laughed.

He saw the same God in Krishna attire in no time. He felt comfortable suddenly. Now he wanted to believe and he did.

”Are you happy?”

“Yes” he replied happily.

“Shall we get on to your topic now? Why did you have to shout?”

“I just ca…” he started but didn’t complete as God interrupted.

Looking at that little bottle on his bed side table, “hey is it SmirnOff? Can I have some with your kind permission? ” said while still looking at the bottle.

“Oh my God! Am I talking to God?? Listen.,.. wait.. it is Alcohol” he hurried.

“So what? Will you give it to me or not”

“I hate to hear such words from God. It is against ethics even for humans. I just can’t imagine God wanting it”

“Oh dear human, lets talk about your ethics later. What stops you from giving when it is God who is asking?”

“Didn’t you say that it is wrong?”

“I never said that. If I were to claim it to be wrong, I would never have let you to create it. Isn’t it?”

“So, am I encouraged to drink it without any guilt?”

“Yes please do it. You have the free will. But remember everything has its consequence. Or simply everything has its own cost based on well laid physical rules. Nothing ethical about it”

“What do you say?”

“I said nothing could be qualified as right or wrong”


“It means… you can do whatever you want. You always have options before everything. You always have an option to choose the right fuel for your engine. Also, remember human body is never designed to run in alcohol… the engine might stall anytime. But you should not crib later”

“How can I crib when I am not here?”

“Until you realize that you are not your body you will not understand my point”

“Leave it… but why the hell do you want to drink it now”

“God doesn’t own a body to damage it” smiled saying it.

“You always play safe huh…”

“Why can’t you play safe too… why is this bottle here btw?”

“Stress… I am in a trouble. I don’t how to get out of it.. So…”

“Don’t fool yourself and me… lets toss away this topic and talk something interesting. I remember you telling something about ethics.”

“Yes I did. But you should know more about it being The God”

“Oh is it so? But I don’t know of anything than simply watching these ethics-games played by you humans”

“Are these ethics not laid by you?”

“No. And, I don’t have any control over your imaginations and sufferings. But, you are granted a free will to do what you want”

“Don’t say that free will thing again. If I do whatever I want, will it not spoil the world?”

“Don’t talk as if it is clean now. You humans have been playing all sort of possible games in the name of ethics. You fool and suffer yourselves. The funniest thing is that your ethics are different across the entire world. You humans copy it from wherever it is convenient for you and provide false excuses to yourselves. You know what; humans have been redrawing their ethical boundaries in all convenient ways. I tell as an example, your favorite topic on your own land… not long back, your ethics bounded a boy and girl from even touching each other before your so-called marriage. But now your same land allows them to dance together in a pub in the name of social behavior”

“Am I listening to God?”

“Yes... more to come… Humans like to forget history whenever convenient. Is your land the same conservative one that I saw a few hundred years back? No. then, have I, God, changed my principles? No. Then has your so-called heaven-goers rate decreased? No. Now if you ask why and where it is leading to, in another few hundred years, making love with a person, on the street, in front of everyone, will be considered divinely ethical”

“I hate to hear such words from God. I mean my words. How can you be so cheap in your words?”

“When you say I am everything, why can’t I be cheap” God laughed aloud. “But listen, I am talking the Truth. I never qualify things to be good or bad. It is you humans who do that and suffer endlessly. Who asked you to create boundaries, then suffer and then drag it all along? Don’t say it was me. There is a well defined physical law for everything. That applies everywhere. Nothing ethical about it. You are granted a free will. Do what and as you wish. But remember, what you think, what you speak, what you do, shall you experience. The choice of experience is yours and hence mine.”

He was silent. God continued.

“Well, lets not deviate from your topic. Tell me your problem.”

“I am highly worried about my professional life… I am deeply troubled by anything that comes competitive along the way. I am afraid if I would ever catch up with others. My ambitions seem to be a distant dream. I have lost my peace. I can be happy only if….”
He did not complete the sentence. God interrupted again.

“Will you all please stop saying this only ifs? I am frustrated really. If you can, please do recollect your own only if 5 years back. The same you said you would live happily forever only if you get this job. Now, you still have your newly discovered only if to be happy. Don’t you think you stretch your boundaries of needs? You have already spent half your lifetime worrying about future. And you still do it. You all like to worry. Isn’t it? Anyways, what bothers you at work now?”

He took a little time to gather himself and then replied.

“Yes, I agree. I have been stretching my needs. But I can’t help it. My world requires me to stay competitive throughout my career to reach the heights.”


“Yes, height in terms of wealth and social status”

“Oh… proceed”

“I am always on the race track with others. I have also been told that nothing is impossible.”

“Nice phrase. But have you ever wondered why peace and contentment has almost been impossible for humans. Anyways, tell about the race you told. By whom, when, where and how the race is declared to be won? Who judges whom? I am sure none of you have an answer. Even I don’t know. But I know one thing, before the end of your so-called race, you will die! Did you hear, You will die before the end of your illusory race”

“My God! How can you talk so to your devotee? Are you not here to give us good health and a long life”

“I never declared so. Whenever you are afraid of something, you surrender yourselves to God, without knowing God cannot do anything better than what you can do to you. You always use me to carry your burden by calling me God, without knowing what God is. But believe me; death is inevitable even if you don’t like it. It will for sure occur to you. I am not threatening you. Because, death is as beautiful as life. In fact, they both are the same. You are all afraid of it. But the funniest part is that you live your life as if you are going to live forever with your this body. You keep acquiring and accumulating materials. But, all for what? You say it for future. A good portion of your lifetime is already gone. And you are afraid of death too. You live in illusions and when the illusion confuses you, you call me again. Excuse me, but you humans are really crazy. I don’t really know what you guys are actually up to? ”

“I called upon you to comfort me. I never thought God would confuse mankind. Am I wrong in wanting to lead a quality life in my short life span? what am I supposed to do when I should not even long for a high quality life”

“What do you mean by quality? Ferrari? Mansion in Switzerland? Being the president at Washington? Marrying the most beautiful person on earth? Lets now assume that you possess all that I mentioned now. Do you think your quality of life would boom suddenly? The great man Jesus, and almost all your so-called Gods, lived during the time, when whatever you humans now possess in terms of comfort, could have only been fairy tales. Does it mean that you are all leading a better quality life than them? Will owning 2 cars elevate your quality of life above that of Buddha? You simply don’t know what life is and how to live it. When some one does it, instead of following him, you tag him as God, start worshipping and demand all sort of materials from him. Funny isn’t it?”

“Do you then mean that we all should live as saints?”

“Saint is a word coined by you. Coined for those who simply Live, those who live without needing incentive for living, those who see the perfection of the world and themselves at every moment. Unfortunately, the way humanity has evolved, they are being looked upon as something not-ordinary, and being perceived so, they are isolated from illusion-loving humans.”

“Do you mean that the life they live is the way it should be lived?”

“Will you agree if I say yes?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I know it too. Because, the entire mankind would go mad, if asked to simply live without expecting any incentive. Because, your ill-programmed mind and ego can never be silent. It always needs incentives to differentiate you from the rest of mankind. Only if you are content with your life As It Is, and only if you agree that you lack nothing to worry about, and only if you realize that Life, the beautiful process doesn’t require incentive to be lived through, you will agree with my words. Otherwise, you will keep calling me whenever you suffer, and you will suffer endlessly, sometimes without even knowing that you are suffering. But believe me, the best thing about being God is the incentive of watching all your games. You all fight to win and collectively lose” God laughed aloud.

“when you know that we humans are suffering, why cant you interfere in our lives for our betterment rather than laughing like a villain”

“yes, I can do that, but only if you and me are separate. When I am you and you are me, who will interfere with whom? Ha ha ha” he laughed again.

“Oh my goodness! I was about to understand everything that you told. You should not have told that last line. Will you please explain that?”


He suddenly found God nowhere. He looked all around but in vain.

“Do you hear me?” he shouted.


“Oh my God! Do you hear me? It is not fair I say”


It was only 5.00 AM when he woke up suddenly. He realized it to be a dream. He perspired heavily. He felt an unbelievable, incomprehensible silence and peace inside. He turned that dim light on. He looked around.

The Good shepherd picture in front seemed to be a yet another picture. But the entire world looked amazingly beautiful through his window.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Chakras of our Body

1. MoolaDhara Chakra
2. Swadisthana Chakra
3. Nabhi Chakra
4. Hridya(Heart) Chakra
5. Vishuddhi Chakra
6. Agnya Chakra
7. Sahastrara Chakra
Mooladhara Chakra
This four petalled center is called the Mooladhara and is situated below the triangular sacrum bone. This centre is placed outside the spine and on gross level corresponds to pelvic plexus which looks after all our excretions inclusive of sex activity. Though the Kundalini has to rise through six centres, Mooladhara protects the purity and chastity of the Kundalini at the time of its awakening. Mooladhara is for our innocence and one should know that innocence can never be destroyed. Too much thinking about and indulging in Sex weakens this centre. Despite all arbitrary abandonment of natural laws, innocence, the power of Mooladhara, remains, in a sleeping or sick state which can be cured and normalised through Kundalini awakening.

The Six petalled centre is called Swadisthan and is situated in the abdomen. This centre corrosponds to aortic plexus, which supplies with energy of creativity and abstract thoughts. This centre also provides energy to the brain by converting fat cells into brain cells. Too much thinking and futuristic planning weakens this centre and one develops very weak attention. Liver which is seat attention is governed by this centre. This centre also controls the functioning of pancreas, uterus and some part of intestines. When Kundalini awakens and opens this centre in a person, that person becomes very creative, dynamic and spontaneous in all his activities.

This ten petalled centre is called the Nabhi and is situated behind the Naval region. This centre corrosponds to Solar Plexus, which gives us the power to sustain things within ourselves. This centre governs the function of digestion and assimilation and looks after stomach, intestines and parts of liver. The biologicalrythem which is regulated by Spleen is also controlled by Nabhi. This centre looks after the welfare and evolution of the mankind. When Kundalini rises and pierces this centre in a seeker, he becomes satisfied from within and becomes extremely generous.

This Twelve petalled centre is called Anahat and is placed behind the Sternum bone in the spinal cord. This centre corrosponds to Cardiac plexus, which produces the antibodies till the age of twelve. These antibodies are then circulated in our system which helps us to fight any kind of attack on the body or mind. Where there is either physical or emotional attack on the person, these antibodies are informed through the sternum, which has a remote control of information. This center controls breathing by regulating the functionong of heart and the lungs. When Kundalini pierces this centre, the person becomes extremely confident, secure, morally responsible and emotionally balanced personality. Such person is very benevolant and loves humanity without any self-interest involved and is dear to all.

Vishuddhi Chakra
This Sixteen petalled centre is called Vishuddi and is placed in the neck region of the spinal cord. This region corrosponds to cervical plexus, which regulates the functioning of ears, nose, throat, neck, teeth, tounge, hands, gestures etc. This centre is responsible for the communicatio with others, because through these organs we communicate with others. On the physical level it controls the function of Thyroid glands. Harsh speech, smoking and artificial behaviour and guilt feeling blocks this centre. When Kundalini pierces this centre, the person becomes extremely truthful, tactful and sweet in communications and does not indulge in futile arguments. He becomes extremely diplomatic in handling situations without igniting the ego.

Agnya Chakra
This Two petalled centre is called Agnya and is placed where the two optic nerves cross each other in the brain(Optic chiasma). This Centre caters to Pituitary and Pimeal glands in the body which manifests the two institutions of ego and Superego within us. Since this centre governs our eyes, too much visual engagements like cinema, computers, television, over reading etc, weakens this centre. Indulging in mental callisthenics and intellectual feats leads to blocking to blocking of this centre and one develops the notion of I-ness and ego. When Kundalini pierces this centre, the persn immediately becomes thoughtless and forgiving, which is the essence of this centre, that is it allows us to forgive others.

This Thousand petalled centre is called Sahastrara is the most important centre situated in the brain or limbic area. Actually there are thousand nerves, and if you take transverse section of the brain, you can see all these nerves beautifully arranges in a petal like structure to form lotus of thousand petals. This centre covers the limbic area of the brain, before realization, like a closed bud of Lotus. Above this is a covering of two balloon like structures of Ego and Superego. When Kundalini rises and pierces this centre, it awakens all the nerves thus enlightening every nerve centre and we say that the person is enlightened soul. Kundalini further pierces the fontanelle area and opens a gateway into the cosmos and we experience this as cool breeze on the head. This is actualization of the Union(Self-Realization) with the all pervading Power of Divine.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Tied up with TIE

Sometimes, I used to mock on some concerns that have the TIE as one of its dress codes. In my view, there need not be any dress code for a corporate concern. I’m really bugged up by the dress codes both in my previous and my present firms.
In my present firm, it is mandatory to wear tie in the first two days of the week. I hate wearing the tie especially in the hot summer climate of Chennai. When I joined, the tie rule is relaxed for the summer season. But it again comes into picture, the third week of my joining as the winter was supposed to begin. The season here in Chennai is as hot as in summer. So imagine the people who are wearing the tie for the whole day. Thank god, it’s not for the whole week.
When I first heard the news that people should wear the tie from next week, I remember one Vivek dialogue; “dharma kartha, dharma kartha, indha oru rule-a mattum relax pannikonga dharma kartha”. I don’t know how to put the knot in the tie. Thanks to my room mates. They helped me to learn how to put a double knot in a tie and all. They really taught me with real patience. They teach me the “Samosa” kind of knot will look better.
The D’day has come. I don’t want to experiment what I learnt in the room. So I asked one of my room mates to put a knot and without disturbing the samosa, I took the tie in my bag.
When I reached the office campus, I wear the tie that my room mate had prepared. “Cha! Eppadi irrundha nan ippadi aaiten!!” I said to myself. I’m very bad in choosing the color combination of the tie. So I’m very much frustrated that I may be the odd man out. But after seeing the people in the campus, I felt very happy that I’m far better than the other people.
Till the end of the first day I had a feeling that I was the only one who will preserve the knot and then wear it in the campus. But one person in my bus explained his experience of wearing the tie. He preserved his knot from his training period. “I’m preserving this tie from my training period and I didn’t wash the tie for the past six months”, he said.
“Crazy Beggers” is what I felt that day. Also my colleague from my previous concern is also joining in my present company. So he asked whether it is mandatory to wear the tie. I said yes and if not you will be charged with a fine. Then I had a doubt. I asked him”Do you know how to wear a tie?” He replied” I didn’t even know how to select a tie”. Thank god. He is having a 7+ years of experience and he is now joining as a project manager. Imagine a PM without knowing how to wear a tie? I can’t control my laugh that day. “Ayyo Ayyo! Innum siru pulla thanamave irruka da” I said to myself.
But wearing a tie is very horrible in the office premises itself. When I wash my face or hands the tie always drops in the wash basin. That too, after having some food in the Food Court, my hands always goes to tie rather than to the tissue papers or hand kerchief. I’m thinking about Vivek saying” En kitta attached napkin irruku pa”.
But my friend showed a very good technique. He used to wear the tie without buttoning the neck button. Interesting is what I thought. I looks like exactly wearing a normal tie but it is not so. He folds the short collar just like buttoning the neck button, but without buttoning it, he adjusts the tie to cover and hold the neck button. So when I’m feeling sultry in Food court or in some other place I’m also doing the same thing.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

My Bus Experience

This is my experience in my bus with a girl sitting beside me.
The bus journey to the office is a horrible and a tedious journey for people like me who used to woke up late in the morning. I’ve to catch my bus @ 6:40 in the morning. I can’t even imagine to get up so early even during my examination days. But things are changed in my life. I’m running after the pay that the companies are paying for. If you have no companion especially a girl, in your office journey, imagine how the journey will be when it took more than one and half hours to reach my office. Daily it looks like I’m half way to my home town and returning back.
There are only few girls in my bus unlike other buses. I’m not sure whether it’s my luck or anything, no girls will be seen in my area when I’m in any place. The bus is not also an exception. For nearly two weeks, I watched the all people in the bus. All the girls (some 4-5) who are boarding in the bus at the starting point (FYI I’m also boarding at the starting point) will occupy the window seats. This rule is applicable for the others also including myself. Among those only two of them are good looking. As expected they are accompanied by their… I don’t know the relationship...may be their friends. For the next three stops, there are only men who used board the bus. On the next stop, three girls used to board the bus with other men. The rest of the stops (3 stops) only women are boarding the bus.
One day, till the 5 stop where the last men are boarding, there is no one who wished to occupy the seats next to me. I’m sitting in a three seater. At times I used to wonder why people are so scared or avoid for sitting beside me. Even guys are doing the same thing. They came near my seat and they searched for some other seats where ever I’m seated. Usually one guy who joined with me gave me company in the 5th stop. He is my bus buddy. He will give me the company in the evenings also. So I prefer to sit in two seater in the evenings as I can go and catch the bus early in the evenings.
When I’m sitting close to the driver seat, my bus buddy will think and then he came to sit next to me. He used to go to sleep when ever he boarded the bus. My driver will always blow the horn just like playing a piano. So he didn’t get that deep sleep when he is close to the driver seat.
That day, he is standing at the bus entrance and raised his eyebrows just like asking me. I showed off my hands to go and occupy the seats on his wish. So he went and occupied one of the back seats. So when the bus started from the stop, no one will be sitting beside me in the three seater. I’m happy for one reason because for the next stops to come only girls will be boarding and I’m eagerly waiting for the 2nd next stop where the second good chick in my bus will board.
In the next stop, a married girl boarded. I didn’t look on her and I looked on the other side of the window. She came to my seat and sit in the corner seat of the pathway. But she is trying to look around for another seat by getting up from the seat. This made me to grab her attention. Her act brought me a sudden urge of anger inside me. What am I going to do with her when she sits in my seat? She is sitting in the corner. She will not be affected by me by any means.
Literally I started to ask her about her act but I stopped controlling my anger. I’m reading some messages from Vivekananda. That stopped me to concentrate more on reading rather than this kind of nonsense acts. Is the way I sit in the bus affects the others? I normally sit in the following manner.
# I’m wearing a kerchief in my head to protect my hair hitting my eyes and ears when I tried to get some sleep
# I always keep me windows wide open
# I always fold the cuffs of the full sleeve to make it 3/4th (even in office) but in the bus journey I will raise my sleeve to more or less looks like a half sleeve.
# I used to unbuttoned the first one or two buttons from the neck depending upon the sweat percentage.
# My legs are not folded within the particular seat. At times I relax my legs by entering my front seat and forming a shape similar to (). But I swear, it never affected any person sitting adjacent me. As I’m lean I can manage to fit within 3/4th of the given seat
If a person is sitting like this it doesn’t mean that he is a prank or a fashionable guy. Everyone sit with their comfortable positions and postures. I’m comfortable with all these postures. That’s it. I know a guy who used to smoke before he boards the bus and he always expels his smoke to his shirt pocket. During the bus he used to smell the pocket. One day I sit with him in the return journey.
Am I giving that much trouble to the neighbor seat takers? Am I looking that much freak or scary to fear around? And am I looking that much ugly to not even to sit with me? I’m just sitting like a dead meat without any reaction and without any movements. This is my nature and I can’t just hide this just for other’s sake.
When the next stop came, the second good looking chick came and sits next to me. I’m very happy for all that happened from the morning is good for having this. I moved and adjusted myself so that she can sit comfortably. If it is any other concern, I have not even cared to adjust as I’m sitting in my seat properly. But here they are very strict in anti-harassment and other nonsense stuffs. So I’m bit nervous and moved. Now I’m sitting in only 3/4th of my seat.
Unlike other day, my journey to the office took some more long hours other than usual 1 hour and 15 minutes journey. As soon as she sits next to me, we caught up in the railway crossing. The gate is closed and we are in the gate for nearly 35 minutes. I made use of this opportunity to have a look on her in close up. To be frank, I’m having some fear in looking at her directly. So while I’m reading I just turned my eyes to the left side. Thank God she is sitting on left side and not on my right as my right eye is very weak. I can’t even see things that are close to me when it is on the right. I already know that she is wearing a nose ring in her small nose that exactly covers her entire nostril.
She is wearing a larger strap watch not like other girls. A brass or copper folded plate is covering her 3/4th of left hand. A white plastic folded and curled bangle (which I accidentally noticed in one of Malayalam porn films). Pantene shampoo smell (I know the brand for sure as I love the smell). Reading a Jeffrey Archer Novel (I don’t remember the name of the novel). Having a design hand bag which I saw nomads are frequently using (may be it’s a fashionable bag. I’m not aware of women’s fashion).
When the bus is waiting in the railway gate, hope everybody is cursing the railway department. She drank Amul Masti Butter milk. “Night Beer adichitu ippo vandhu more adikura pola” I said to myself. She tapped her leg when she is reading the book. I donno what the funny mannerism it is. But I stepped further towards the window. I remembered Vivek saying in the film Run “Graduate body-inu thaechi correct pannalam-inu parkiya?”
When the bus reached the GST road, she closed the book and took her phone out of the bag and stated to type messages. When she typed, her right hand is always touching my left hand. Just want to say like Reema Sen saying in Chellamae “Erruma madae en mela muttama thalli nillu”. But I moved further without saying anything.
Now I’m sitting like my right shoulder on the window gap, resting my whole body weight on my left leg and I’m sitting only in 3/4th of my seat. Oh my God this is my worst and terrible experience I’d. I prayed god not to send me any more girls for the rest of the bus journeys.
When I reached the office, I felt that though people ignore me in one aspect but I’ve lot of comforts and freedom in other aspects. Though I traveled a long journey with the girl I liked, it is not giving me any happiness rather it teaches me a lesson. ACCEPT LIFE AS IT IS.
Now I’m feeling happy about my present life without girls, without nagging, without false adjustments and living my own life as I wish, enjoying my built in psycho characters.